Family. Food. Beautiful Spaces. Healing. Travel. Living Free.
I wanted to share my journey to learning to love myself with the world. It has been a long, terrifying, emotional, and rewarding journey to where I am today.
Today, I consider myself fully recovered from a long time spent struggling with anorexia, or as I call her, Anamia (the name Colin and I gave my eating disorder). People often ask me, how do you know you’ve reached full recovery? For me, I just knew. It’s about the way I think and the way I act now. I don’t have eating disorder thoughts. No more urges to restrict, binge or purge. No more desires to want to lose weight. No more looking in the mirror judging every part of my body I once hated. No more self harming thoughts. I’ve learned to use healthy coping skills to deal with what life has to offer. I eat what I want. I eat intuitively. I find clothes that fit MY body; I do not alter my body to fit clothes. I live mindfully in everything I do.
A huge turning point for me was learning that I could deal with tough emotions without Anamia. Anger and sadness were very difficult to recognize as okay feelings to have (like I’m sure they are for many). I remember one day being really upset and without any thought, I let myself feel (which was such a beautiful moment) and then I let it go. Anamia didn’t make a presence that day, and from this point on I knew I could handle life without her.
It might sound weird but I feel like I am falling in love with Amy for the first time. Amy has become someone I never believed she could be. Everyday I watch myself blossom even more into who I am. I know I am strong. I am courageous. I am a fighter.
And I am beautiful.
My First Trip in Almost a Decade
Things I Did to Help Amy
Bicycles and Cupcakes
Anamia versus Reality
Learning to Deal with Emotions in a Healthy Way
Recovery is Possible: I’m living proof.