Family. Food. Beautiful Spaces. Healing. Travel. Living Free.
As the days go by, I find myself loving life more and more. I do what makes ME, Amy, happy. I don’t focus on the bad; I look for the good in everything. I appreciate my life for what it is, not what it could be or what other people think it should be. I know what my life was, and where I am today almost doesn’t seem real.
One year ago, I was restricting my food in-take, bingeing and purging daily, obsessed with calorie counting, constantly judging myself and others, unable to express what I needed or how I felt, lacking in my ability to trust others, and consistently consumed with thoughts of food.
Today, I don’t restrict. I don’t binge and purge. I don’t obsess over calories. I don’t judge myself or others. I eat what I want when I want. I listen to my body and give it what it needs. I try to live as mindful as I can.
If I want a cookie, I eat a cookie. If I am tired, I take a nap. If I am upset, I give myself extra self-care. If I wake up grouchy, I let myself be grouchy.
But here’s the best part. When my body says “I want _____,” I don’t think twice. I enjoy the moment, whether that be eating a delicious chocolate chip cookie (my favorite!) or taking a much-needed nap. …And then…I continue living my life as someone who is fully recovered. There are no extra thoughts. No questioning, “should I have really eaten that.” No miscommunications between my body and mind. When I was sick, I use being tired as an excuse to turn to Anamia. And one thing I learned going through recovery is that after doing nine years of damage to your body, sleep is essential. And allowing yourself to take a nap is a wonderful thing.
Being recovered is so much more than just about the food. It’s about living life to the fullest each and every day. It’s recognizing when you are sad or tired or angry or happy. It’s about appreciating your body for what it is, not what it isn’t. Not judging others or comparing yourself, but recognizing the beauty in everything. Being recovered from and eating disorder gives you a new sense of appreciation for life.
I have a passion for helping people, and I want those who are struggling to know recovery is possible. It’s a lot of hard work, I won’t lie. I spent most of 2013 dedicated to healing my body and my mind. I worked for recovery every minute of every day. I talked myself through each difficult situation, and there were plenty of times when I fell down. And what I found is each time you fall down, it’s harder to get back up.
So I had to make a decision. Did I want to keep letting myself fall down, and did I want to have to go through the standing back up process again and again? …Knowing that each time standing back up was going to be harder and harder. So I MADE THE DECISION to get back up, and stay back up. Whatever it took. If that meant locking bathroom doors, cutting up credit cards, crossing out nutrition labels, sticky noting the walls. I was determined that recovery was what I wanted more than anything.
All of that hard work paid off, because today I am fully recovered. I live a “normal” (lol what is normal anyways?) life. Instead of putting my energy (which seems to be never-ending) into something destructive, I have chosen to put it into helping the world.
xo. Live free