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Recovery is scary, so be scared. That’s okay. Feel your fear, and do it anyways.
This was the quote that kept me going for a long time. Convincing myself that fear didn’t have to dictate my thoughts and actions was a process. Everyday I would talk myself through bad thoughts. Fear of getting “fat”. Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of ruining everything.
I learned that fear doesn’t have to hinder us though. Being scared is the fuel that motivates and pushes people to do something great. I mean, think about it. Someone yells “there’s a bomb,” and the first thing that overcomers us is fear. Fear of death. Fear of losing a loved one. Fear of what is to come. But that fear is channeled into –> how the hell do I get out of here as fast as I can. Fear is our most powerful motivator.
During 2013, I was terrified. Not just scared, but would rather jump off a cliff, swim in a tank full of sharks, stand alone on the moon, terrified. I had no idea what was to come. For so long all I knew was my eating disorder. Everything else seemed so foreign to me. Eating a meal was scary. Eating starches and fats made my anxiety rise. Being alone without Anamia seemed to haunt me.
But these weren’t the only fears I was having. Fear of dying. Fear of losing Colin. Fear of never having children. Fear never loving myself. Even though most of these fears were just floating in the back of my head like they would never actually happen, they were still fears.
Fear drove me, motivated me, to do something great. Allowing myself to feel my fear opened my eyes to so many opportunities that I was missing. So many beautiful things that Amy wanted to be a part of.
I am fully recovered today because fear motivated me to do something about my life. Admitting that you are scared is okay. We all are when we go through something difficult (and recovery is HARD). So like I said…recovery is scary so be scared, that’s okay. Feel your fear and do it anyways!